dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
