That's intense
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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