I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
