so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
