Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
