I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
