you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
