So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
