I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
