She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
