Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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