I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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