my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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