we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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