i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
