I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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