I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
