Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
