The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
