just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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