i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
