On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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