"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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