so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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