We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
