Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i now understand why vodka
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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