and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
