i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
