Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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