Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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