My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
