he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Two words: blizzard sex
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
