He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
