OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
