ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
