If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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