I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
