Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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