There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
