Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
