Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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