Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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