I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
