plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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