i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
