I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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