I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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