she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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