So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
