You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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