chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
