well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
