I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
