We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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