This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
