I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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